Business Words Of The Week – Ask & Feelings

In each Own It!! podcast, Nicola and Judith discuss their chosen Business Word Of The Week for that particular week.

Their words for Episode 016 of the Own It!! podcast are Ask & Feelings:

Nicola:

What’s your word of the week Judith?

Judith:

This week, my word is ask.

Nicola:

Oh. Go on then.

Judith:

In last week’s newsletter I was talking about “are you asking for the business?” That’s what it always come down to when clients tell me that they’re a bit hard up and the leads have dried up, and there isn’t… Are you asking for the business?

And I got one of my clients to go off and ask for things. I was saying to people that they should ask for things, whether they want them or not, to get practice at asking. Ask for a banana, ask for a bank note. If you see people in front of you playing with lots of things that they’ve got, ask them, say, “Can I have one of those?”

My client who I got to go off and do this, very diligent person, was asking her brother for this and her sister for this and her cousins for this and the nieces for this, and was surprised by not only how easy it was to get things from people if you ask them for it, and how pleasurable it is to receive, and how pleasurable it is for them to give, but sometimes we get a bit hung up, don’t we, on selling and how difficult that’s going to be. Well, actually if you ask people for the business, it’s surprisingly easy.

I was training my client in the business of asking and she sent me a fantastic testimony and a jolly good story that I’ve turned into a blog post. It was all around being prepared to get out of your comfort zone and ask for things.

Nicola:

I strongly recommend anyone listening to go and read that blog post, because I found it really very moving. She was asking for some big stuff there, accidentally, wasn’t she?

Judith:

Yeah. Yeah she was. Wasn’t it a powerful story?

Nicola:

I really, really loved it. Yeah. I read it this morning with my coffee and I really enjoyed it. What’s the title of that blog post just so people can-

Judith:

It’s judithmorgan.com/ask. I think I’ve made it that simple because it’s such a powerful concept.

Nicola:

Brilliant.

Judith:

It’s just being prepared to ask. You know you see – what’s a good example here? Books is a good example. If you’re at somebody’s house and they’ve got lots of books, and they’re very abundant, and you want one of them, say “Can I have that book?” Unless it’s something very precious and very loved, they’ll probably give it to you. If somebody’s got 12 biscuits, “Can I have three of your biscuits?” Yes.

Nicola:

Three?

Judith:

Well, they often say whatever you ask – you don’t ask for all 12. You could ask for all 12 of course, but if they’ve got 12 biscuits, it’s probably because they want 12 biscuits.

I think it’s interesting to just get into the habit of when you see people have got more than one of anything or lots of things, ask. Can I have one of those, and be surprised by how readily people will say yes. I think that was the first point she made in the blog post wasn’t it, is they all said yes.

Nicola:

I’m thinking about myself doing it and there’s a little squirmy feeling in my stomach.

Judith:

I know. I know. That’s why I got her to do it. There is a squirmy feeling in all of our stomachs. What the exercise is about is that squirmy feeling goes away when you realise how much people want to give stuff to you and how much they’ve got.

Nicola:

When I went to Rich’s weekend last year, one of the quests he sent us out on, involved us just asking for what we wanted. It was the most challenging part of the whole weekend for me. The second night when we out on a different quest, because we’d done the first one and I’d managed to realise how difficult it was for me, I was much easier able to do the second quest.

Judith:

A little braver. Yes. Exactly.

Nicola:

Yeah.

Judith:

So, tell me, what is your word of the week?

Nicola:

My word of the week is feelings, Judith. I’ve gone the first 50 odd years of my life being ruled by my feelings, and them almost incapacitating me to some degree to achieve things. The reason it’s much in my mind at the moment is because, obviously you know reading Andy’s book and going to Rich’s weekend and doing all the journaling and everything’s made much more aware of my feelings. I really do believe that largely I’ve got a grip on them now.

I’ve got a new client who is absolutely – every email she sends me is full of at least three or four negative feelings that she’s experiencing, and how that is really crippling her in being able to take any action at all. She has to fight her way through a fog of feelings just to get to the first thing she needs to do. It just reminded me of how debilitating and crippling being at the mercy of your feelings are and how – we’ve just been talking about this today haven’t we, how actually – your illusion comments as well were very… Feelings are an illusion aren’t they? They’re physical reaction to something that’s happening in your brain that’s been caused by you attaching meaning to something.

Judith:

I think one of the things that you learn from meditation or hypnosis is just to notice feelings without actually getting sucked up into them, and choose them. Oh look there’s a feeling, it could go by or I could choose – I feel this, it would be more helpful for me if I chose a better feeling to feel now. Thoughts as well, don’t have to get hung up on them, let them fleet on by. Thoughts and feelings, they are a matter of choice.

Nicola:

Yes. Most people just don’t realise that. The more deeply you get into realising it, the more you hear it when you’re listening to other people talk, people who just haven’t got a clue that you can actually, like you say, choose to let them float on by – or be dominated by them completely.

Judith:

Yeah. Yeah.

Nicola:

It’s a shame it took me 50 years to realise this.

Judith:

Interestingly, some of them are quite stubborn and might take it – that’s where I think the Havening exercise is quite useful. Think of a block and immediately you release it. I don’t know whether you’ve noticed, but I do it, when you do the Havening, I do a lot of yawning, which I know is when you’re releasing stuff. I think there are various techniques around. If you struggle with a particular thought or belief which seems constant and more stubborn and difficult to release, there are EFT and LP and Havening and whatever it is, loads of techniques, for just releasing. Recognising, blessing, thanking for the learning, and releasing.

Nicola:

Something I did notice when I’ve done the Havening thing about three or four times was that I get quite tearful at the final exercise. It’s not tearful in a sad way, it’s tearful as in a physical release kind of way.

Judith:

Yes. Me too. Funnily enough, the yawning turns into the sort of yawn where a tear comes out of my eye. Isn’t that interesting?

Nicola:

We’re –

Judith:

It is a release. It’s a release so we know it’s working. That’s the point. It’s brilliant. Well done.

What do you think of our Business Words of the Week this week? Do you have trouble asking for things, or get hung up on feelings and thoughts? Do let us know in the comments! And don’t forget to check out Judith’s blog post on the subject of asking for things here